Austin and I have been short on patience lately, mostly as a result of our pint sized Tasmanian devils. At any given moment of the day, someone is yelling.
"Mom, (*name changed to protect the not-so-innocent*) pushed me into the wall!"
"Mom, I can't concentrate on my homework because everyone is talking!"
"Mom, so-and-so won't give me that toy back and I had it FIRST!!"
"But it's MY turn on the computer, you've been there ALL DAY!" (after two minutes)
Hubby said he wants to bash their heads together, but we're pretty sure that's illegal.
I have a new idea... a goal I want to implement for the time being. A social experiment in family living. Here it is:
Whenever there's chaos going on, don't think of my stress or irritation. Think of how my kids may be feeling at that moment. If I were in their shoes, what would this feel like? If I had pushed my sister and got caught... would I be feeling fear as I saw Mom or Dad stomping down the hall with a traffic stopping glare on their face? If I had spilled milk all over the mopped floor, would my heart race at the thought of being yelled at for being clumsy? Would Mom be the good witch or the bad witch today?
I know kids will never be perfect, but most of the time their intentions are not to hurt somebody else (MOST of the time). They can't think outside the box, the box being their brain. How do I feel about this? How will this affect me? How can I get out of this (chores)? If I try to get into their head, I have so many good ideas on how to communicate with them. I also have more...
wait for it....
patience! That's right, I understand where they're coming from and I'm better at resolving conflicts. I look at them... just look for a minute, at their very expressive and revealing faces. Faces that after a moment of quiet reflection (while I'm counting to ten before I explode) become more beautiful than we ever thought they were. Faces of God's children. Just take a minute and LOOK. See them for who they are. Try and feel what they feel, think what they think.
I'm hoping it will help me communicate better with these three little darlings who appear to be deaf at the moment, because nobody is responding to my shouting. Hmm.
3 comments:
Jill, my kids are all grown-up and gone, but this post applies to all ages (I think). Thank you for the insight and inspiration.
Thank you for this. It sounds like stuff we hear every day. Our children are our greatest treasures and responsibilities. We must step back, show love and patience instead of anger and displeasure. We should try to think how Heavenly Father would react if he were here dealing with us. Being a researcher I am always up for a social experiment. So I am going to try a little harder next time to be a little bit better.
Way to psychologize yourself. And your children. Love it.
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