Child abuse on TV

She is SIX years old.  In a bikini, spray tanned, wearing heavy makeup.

I watched a few episodes of Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC tonight, and it was like a train wreck... I really couldn't look away.  I was watching child abuse happen on TV.  These Mom's are ruining these girls forever, their self-esteem will forever be wrapped up in whether or not someone else approves of them, votes for them, gives them a prize.  What kind of mother tells her screaming daughter who doesn't want to put on her full glitz dress, "Do you want to look like Barbie or not?!"

Here's some actual quotes I heard tonight that made me so angry:

*child's whisper*  "Mom, I don't like you."
Mom's response to the camera:  "She just loves pageants, we're here for her."
"It's time to bleach your teeth, get back here!"
"You need a spray tan, you look sick and I can see your freckles."
"Baby, you need to put on your eyelashes, please!"  (to a 2 year old)
"If I don't win a crown, I'm going to feel really really really bad about myself."
"The pretty kids are the popular ones."
"I'm not embarassed when she hits and screams, it's kind of cute."
*screaming* "Do you want to win this or not??"
"Don't cry, now we have to redo your makeup!"
"Just take the pain, baby girl."

Does an 18 month old baby need a spray tan?

Do 5 year olds need hair extensions?

Is a bikini/swimsuit competition appropriate?

They wear more makeup in one day than I wear in a month!

I am appalled, and so sad.  These girls are being trained to be judged, and the prettiest and most talented always wins.  They will seek someone else's approval their whole lives, and as a result will be at risk of being abused or suffer from depression. I may not be the best Mom in the world, but watching these pageant Mom's for even five minutes makes me feel a whole lot better about my parenting style.

 

My girls like to dress up, and they like a cute outfit or pretty necklace like any little girl, but hopefully I'm teaching them that true beauty is on the inside.  They do get to dress up for ballet recitals, but the costumes are modest and their hair is just in a bun.  I'm proud of their athleticism and grace and discipline in learning to dance, but they know that even with that, their value doesn't lie in ballet.  My girls are learning to love, learning to serve, learning to forgive, learning to develop their talents and their intelligence, and they are so beautiful to me.

 

Cool quote #2, on my continuing quest for kindness...

"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

~Stephen Grellet, 1773-1855
French-born Quaker Minister

Cool quote

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
- Kahlil Gibran


Maybe someday I'll have massive character, or feel strong.

Ember keeps growing!

Today is Ember's 11th birthday, and I can't believe how this girl has grown!  Her pediatrician called her a pre-teen today.  *faint*  Unfortunately, Ember got some vaccinations on her birthday, but she handled it like a pro.  See how tough she is?

That's an attempt at a tough face, though she does look a little weepy.  She may be 11, but she still wanted an ice cream cone for enduring the shots.

We didn't get to do anything extra special today because of swim lessons and doctor appointments and grocery shopping, but she still had a pretty fun day.  We opened presents after dinner, and before the rest of the family came over for cake and ice cream.

 (Lady makes a good pillow... squishy and tolerant)

 Ben and Grace got her her favorite toys, Littlest Pet Shops.  Grandma and Grandpa Meacham got her her first HOOP earrings!  Oh my gosh, so grown up!

They also got her the next two books in a series she's been reading, the Dork Diaries.  They're about a girl in Junior High.  That's my little girl in just one more year...

Austin and I pondered for weeks on what to get her, because she's just not little anymore.  Here's what we decided:

You just can't go wrong with cash.  Besides, the gift is the time spent shopping with Mom at the mall.

 

Adria came over again for more cake, and Ember loves to play with her and take care of her while she's here.  We have three summer birthdays, and Adria's come over for cake twice now.  In just a couple weeks we'll have her over one more time for Ben's birthday!  I love watching her eat cake, it's adorable.  Eric and Noelle brought Valette also, but she's too young for cake :)

 

We know she's not two years old, there were only two blue candles, which is Ember's favorite color, so that's an "11", not 2.  She blew out the candles on her first try, go figure.  It was a really fun day and I'm so proud of my beautiful, talented, intelligent, sweet girl who is growing into such a lovely young lady.

Love you baby girl.

The Best 4th of July EVER!

We had a pretty amazing Independence Day weekend, according to our kids it was the "BEST FOURTH OF JULY EVER!!"  (all caps because of the shouting).

It started with the City of Mesa fireworks show on Saturday night.  The show started at 9:30, I got off work at 9:30, and I work for Mesa PD, and the headquarters building is located right in downtown.  My family just met me at work and I let them into the parking garage where we parked on the roof for an awesome view of the show.  My sister and her family came which added awesomeness.

Monday we started early with a parade at 9:00 AM at the church.  All the kids from church decorated their bikes and scooters, or decorated themselves and just walked, and marched around the parking lot.  It was pretty much adorable.  Then the church provided a yummy breakfast.  I had to grab two kids and leave a tad early for swimming lessons, which was also awesome.  Riding bikes in a  parking lot in July in Arizona, followed by a dip in the pool?  Amazing!

Then Mom got a nap.  Always part of a best day ever.

Followed by a trip to Superstition Springs Mall!  We ate lunch in the food court, let Grace jump around in the play area, introduced Ember to the Tinkerbell store (lots of pre-teen ooh's and aah's at all the sparklies), played on the turtle statue, and had all kinds of fun.

Then.... our first 3D movie ever!  It's awesome that the cheap theater also shows 3D movies so we can afford to take the kids, it's only $4 a person.  We saw Rio, and it was hillarious!  Lots of laugh out loud moments, I love to hear my kids giggle.  And the 3D stuff was pretty much awesome, all I'd ever seen before was Captain Eo at Disneyland.

From there we went to Walmart to get all the fixin's for a backyard BBQ, and to purchase some explosives.  The last time I handled a firework was on the farm in Idaho when I was 6 or 7, holding a sparkler.  Good times, good times.

We went to Casey and Celeste's for dinner, since they have a grill that works and has propane.  Plus their yard is across the street from the Mesa Country Club, which had a fireworks show at 9:00 and can be seen from the back yard.  Sweet. 

Austin is a master griller.  Wait, that's not true, I can't lie.  Ask any one of our kids... the hamburgers were kinda crispy.  Grace had the right idea going with barbecued chicken, he mostly got that right.  The strawberries were yummy though, and patriotic! 

After dinner was the hard part... waiting for dark.  It took FOREVER!  (About an  hour and a half, but Ben says that's a lie).  We watched cartoons until it was time to start blowing stuff up.  Austin got to play with the big stuff in the street, and the kids looked on while playing with sparklers.  It's difficult to take pictures of kids at night, in the dark, no flash, with sparklers in the foreground.  I'm NOT a photographer, and the blurry effect is cool anyway, so my pictures are pretty much amazing.  Adria liked the first sparkler she held, but she accidentally grabbed the top of it after it had gone out and burned her fingers a little bit.  The second sparkler we tried to give her was a little scary, I feel bad that I don't have pictures of the first one.  She really did have fun!  Our kids sure do love making their sweet little cousin laugh and smile.

We had cupcakes with patriotic sprinkles while we watched the big show from the back yard, then cleaned up our mess, and came home.  We even had a little time throughout the day to talk about what Independence Day means, why we celebrate it, and Ember and Ben even knew what the fireworks represented!  I want to raise patriotic kids who are proud to be Americans, and appreciate all of the sacrifices that others have made so that they can enjoy the privileges they have.  According to some recent conversations, we're doing a pretty good job of that so far.

Our exhausted kiddos tumbled into bed at 10:00 PM saying it was the best 4th of July ever.  I agree.

I need some Grace

You're the worst Mom ever!
You're the baddest Mom in the world!
I wish you would die!
I wish someone else was my Mom!

Why all the drama?  I wouldn't let her sleep in my bed.

What names is she going to call me when I won't give her the car keys, or take away her cell phone? 

Six is the new sixteen.

Facebook

I'm taking a really long break from Facebook.  I've been considering this for awhile, but recent events have strengthened my resolve to actually do it.

Some of the topics that have come up in therapy for me recently have stemmed from issues relating to Facebook.  Apparently the social rules that we have for face to face polite society don't apply to social networking.

I have a theory that it's something like road rage.  You are in your comfort zone, your own space, (such as the privacy of your car with road rage, or your home with your laptop) and someone does something that offends you.  You are protected by distance, anonymity, lack of immediate consequences (such as a punch in the face).  Overreactions run rampant, anger is quick and fierce, and people say things to friends, family, and perfect strangers on Facebook that they would NEVER say in person. Anonymity makes people bold, and mean!  Does this happen to anyone else?  (I personally only post things on Facebook that I'm perfectly willing to say to someone's face, I don't have an online split personality).

When did it become ok to insult the friend of a friend because you don't like a comment they made?  When did it become appropriate to make someone's Facebook wall your own personal pulpit from which to spew sermons, lectures, and criticisms?  Let's say you overhear a comment you disagree with in line at the grocery store, do you immediately criticize and even insult the people involved, even though they're perfect strangers and weren't even talking to you?  And how do you think they'd react in person?  Why are we surprised that people overreact online as well?  I've had comments so long and so preachy, they were a full sacrament meeting talk!  There's a time and a place people, and my Facebook wall isn't it.

Facebook is supposed to be fun.  Share pictures, jokes, funny things about our kids, jobs, lives.  Vent frustrations, be sarcastic, observe life, get feedback, but don't take it too seriously.  I've unfriended too many people that take Facebook way too seriously and crossed the line to inappropriate.  My status updates are not an invitation for you to insult me, or each other.  If you don't like my sense of humor, unfriend me.  Block me.  I really don't care, because I don't take Facebook that seriously.

Ok, this sounds a little angry and frustrated, but that's how I've been feeling about this lately.  Think about your Facebook friends... ALL of them.  College buddies, Grandmas, cousins, spouses of your spouses cousins, best friends, co-workers, children of friends, siblings, fellow church members... people of all economic, political and religious backgrounds.  Invite them all to your house, at the same time.  Would they all get along?  HELL NO.  So they're going to disagree online as well, and the only thing all these people have in common is ME.  Therefore, my wall has become a battleground.  I've deleted one too many comment threads and sent one too many private e-mails to try and make this behavior stop, but it just isn't stopping.

I don't see this happening on other people's walls, it's like I'm some kind of magnet for inappropriate online behavior.  Seriously, does anyone else share these frustrations?  Please, for the love of all that is techy, please grow some online manners and just be nice.

At least on my wall.  If you want to leave angry comments on someone else's page feel free, I'm not paying their therapy bill.