I turn my back for ONE second...

Grace found the stickers.

She thought they would look cute on her lips...

...and her toes...

...and her forehead and tongue...

... and the puppy. That one got onto Elphie's whisker by mistake, she tried to kiss Grace. She got one on her butt too, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't from kissing.

Avalanche!

What happens when Mom gets sick and stays in bed all the time. This is easily 10 loads. Thankfully Austin kept the underwear clean, but there's a lot of catching up to do (some laundry not pictured).

Where does that go again?

Austin was goofing off with Grace at bedtime and was getting ready to put her in a pull-up. He put it on a hanger and asked her if that's where it goes. Grace says: "pull-ups don't hang on hangers, they hang on butts."

tattle tales and extortion

Ben: Pleeeaaaase don't tell mom!

Ember: I'm going to and there's nothing you can do about it.

Ben: But I didn't do it!

Ember: I won't tell if you give me ten bucks.



That just gives me warm tingly feelings as a mother. You know what? I don't even care what he did. Just close my door on your way out.

Have you seen my brain? I'd like it back.

Ok, so I blog for therapy but today I went to ACTUAL therapy. I was enrolled by my psychiatrist when I was having some destructive thoughts a couple weeks ago in an intensive outpatient group therapy program. I really liked it! I found it so helpful to talk to others who are struggling with the same things I am, and to learn coping skills to help me take control back in my life. Medication only helps me stabilize, they aren't happy pills that fix all my problems. Now that I'm getting stable I need to learn how to handle my stress and anxiety, because that never goes away.

My mom taught me something this week that I hadn't thought about before. One thing this disease has done for me (she's still trying to talk me into being grateful for it) is that it has stripped away all of my pride and brought me to new levels of humility, and not in a bad way. I have exposed my weaknesses and struggles for everyone to see. I used to be afraid of that, SOOO afraid of admitting I had a mental illness, because I didn't want to be judged or teased. There is a social stigma associated with mental illness that is perpetrated in the media, in hollywood, in books and magazines and movies. What I found instead was support, understanding and acceptance. Not being afraid of it is actually accelerating my healing.

So yay for group therapy! There really is something to be said for sharing our common experiences and knowing we're not alone! My other favorite kind of group therapy? A girls night out at the Golden Spoon.

Swiper, no swiping! (shout out to Dora the Explorer!)

Ok, I "swiped" this comic from someone else's blog. It was just too funny and too true to not pass along my blog waves. I even printed out a hard copy for my desk at work.




Who remembers Steve Urkel? Family Matters? Let me hear a whaaat whaaat!

should we go to the ER for this?

Things we have pulled out of Grace's nose: (yes, insomnia strikes again).

1. boogers (haha! ok, I don't pull them out, but SHE does... regularly)
2. wads of kleenex
3. cardboard
4. ground beef
5. carpet
6. yarn
7. crayon
8. cheese
9. construction paper
10. polly pocket shoes
11. crackers

That's all I can remember right now, but believe me, the list is longer than her pediatrician and I would like. I thought she had outgrown this phase but I pulled a wad of kleenex out of her nose again just over a week ago! Will the insanity never end?!?!

I love clearance!

I just found really cute boots on clearance at Walmart for $3.00!!

Yes, I tried them on and they're comfy. Yes, they're really cute even though it's Walmart. Yes, I bought brown AND black.

All things winter are all sale to make room for spring flip-flops, which I will also stock up on, but I love boots. Yay!

it's a streaky, blotchy mess

Anyone who knows me knows that I glow in the dark. Seriously. I am sunburned by a night light. I have skin so white it's almost see through. The only thing breaking up the monotony of eye-searing white is the millions of freckles. To quote the song, I'm a whiter shade of pale.

It bothered me as a kid because I was a child in the 80's and early 90's when tan was the style. I was teased, called names, and in extreme cases completely ostracized. As an adult my skin is often complimented, because pale is the new black! Sunblock is the 'in' thing to do! Still, remnants of that insecurity remain.

Result? Experimentation with tanning lotions and sprays. I'm sure that for people who have a semi-decent color base to work with, these sprays work just fine. You get the look you crave without all the dangerous UV rays and skin-cancer-causing-sunshine! When you start with a blank canvas, literally white as a sheet blank, it's a different story.

I look orange. Blotchy, streaky, and orange. Why do I keep trying? Why is looking tan so important to me? Is it because of my bad experiences as a child? Am I still trying to fit in and look like everyone else? Why can't I celebrate and be proud of this part of me that is so unique and will make me look 30 when I'm 50?

Now I have to take an hour long bath every day until this mess soaks out of my skin. It's bad timing too that the temperature outside is in the high 80's, because I'll be wearing long pants and long sleeves for a day or two. *groan*

Lists

During my bouts of insomnia I like to make lists. My last published list was all the things you can do with the fruit from 13 citrus trees. Last night I was thinking about all the different things we've found under the couch. (Why do kids think that's such a great hiding place?)

1. cereal
2. baseballs
3. pajamas
4. dishes
5. inhaler
6. used kleenex
7. candy wrappers
8. dust bunnies (that's a given)
9. my little pony
10. Care bears
11. barbies
12. ok, toys in general
13. diapers
14. blankets
15. cheese crisp
16. earrings
17. homework
18. pens & pencils
19. movies (the disk or the DVD box)
20. hairbrush
21. backpacks
22. money
23. bills

That's all I thought of for now, but I know there's more. Is this a common hiding place for "stuff" in anyone else's house? Whenever something's missing, under the couch is the first place I look.

GRRR!!!

Does anybody have kids in their neighborhood that your children are friends with, but who you just don't like much? I hate to say that about any children, but there is this one family on our block that is socially retarted. They are disrespectful, destructive, and lack manners of any kind. I just hope and pray that my children are polite and respectful when they are at other people's homes!

Here's what I found them doing this afternoon when I went outside to check on them:

This was my grandpa's chair. It was on the back porch because the legs were loose and in need of repair. We hadn't decided yet whether or not to keep it, but I think now it's going in the trash barrel. They like breaking things, especially things that don't belong to them.


This is a desk lamp that Austin put outside so he could point some light in a specific direction while doing yardwork after dark. (Sometimes that's the only time it can get done, right?) Well, he forgot to bring it back in the house. These kids decided to rip the wires loose, pull the top of the lamp off (it's out in the grass, conspicuously missing from this picture) and loosen all the screws. I'm pretty sure it's ruined. Our trash pile this week is going to be larger than normal.


This is our porch railing. Notice the missing rail? Gee, that's safe. One of the boys kicked it out so he'd have room to climb through and hang onto the rail from the OUTSIDE, leaning out and over the yard doing some kind of acrobatics. Keep in mind that the rest of those rails are 20 years old and never weather sealed... they're a little weak and rotting in some places. Just what I need, a lawsuit from the neighbor mom who doesn't teach her kids manners because one of them got injured at my house.



I especially like the closeup of the rusty nail that came so close to scraping the top of this boys head. What if he decided to stand up underneath it while climbing through to the other side? *shudder*


What do you do with neighbor kids who have no manners or respect? I have set some ground rules, but they manage to find new ones to break every time they're here. I don't want to offfend any parents, or upset my kids who like to play with them, but I need some more control here. Any suggestions?

To top off my afternoon, here's where I found my dog: she climbed into the bathtub while I was outside taking pictures of the destruction and started chewing on the kids bath toys. Great. Maybe I should just go back to bed.

Bath night is for the dogs

Tonight was bath night for Lady & Elphie, because peeee-yeeeew!! Austin looks as thrilled as Elphie does, and Lady looks like a burrito. What's he complaining about, I had to wash the buggers... all he had to do was dry! The water in that tub was as brown as I've ever seen it, I was afraid I had washed some of the COLOR out of them. As soon as they got out of those wretched towels, they dried themselves by shaking water everywhere! Oh but they're so fluffy and clean and cuddly now, I just love my dogs. I have two forms of therapy that are enormously effective for me: blogging, and puppies.

Sacrament

Dad passed the sacrament tray to Ben during church this morning, and Ben said:

"No thanks, I'm not hungry."

Spring Cleaning

I've been struggling to get out of bed lately, to find the motivation to get dressed and brush my teeth. I've let a lot of things go besides myself, including my house. It's been neglected for so long that my dust bunnies have procreated. My piles have piles. It got so bad that I finally found the motivation to get up and do something about it.

I cleaned... one room. The kitchen.

It sounds small, but to me it was monumental. I also figured that if I was going to do this, I was going to do it well. I scrubbed the countertop under the appliances. I cleaned the grime on the floor around and behind the fridge, oven, and dishwasher. I polished my sink with windex. I used a razorblade to scrub cooked-on goo off my glass top stove. I tossed or organized every piece of paper my kids have brought home from school and dumped on the counter. Under that, I found junk mail, magazines, and paper airplanes. Broken crayons, dirty dishes, plastic care bears and hot wheels. Dried on spaghetti sauce! (oh, I am so embarassed.) For the finishing touch, I mopped the floor. Top to bottom, my kitchen sparkles like Edward in a meadow.

I. Feel. Tired.

Ok, I feel proud too. I feel hope. I feel motivated to maybe move on to another room. (The hall closet, it's the smallest). I locked myself in my room with my laptop again while my kids watched TV, but I am still encouraged by my litle breakthrough. Maybe I'll clean under the back porch, the graveyard of garden tools and yard toys of years past! (baby steps Jill, baby steps.)

Jill needs...

Go to google and type your name then 'needs.' Type up the first 10 responses. This is hillarious!

1. Jill needs to earn enough money to buy a new skateboard. (can't afford the van payments anymore, gotta find a new way to get to work)

2. Jill needs Jack. (Jack & Jill went up the hill... la la la)

3. Jill needs to wake up and smell the emotional abuse. (woah)

4. Jill needs to go out. (amen!)

5. Jill needs you. (awwww)

6. Jill needs horror. (gack! I beg to differ!)

7. Jill needs to stop looking! (can't.... help.... it.... )

8. Jill needs a home. (mental group home maybe)

9. Jill needs to stop attacking Jack. (the honeymoon from number two is over)

10. Jill needs some pills. (wait, is that one really about me?!)